See Dick Skinned

As I sit here, listening to Beyonce and Jack White’s Don’t Hurt Yourself, I’m thinking, sorry Bey, I didn’t listen, I hurt myself real bad. The Region of Waterloo didn’t give me lemons so I couldn’t make Beyonce’s Lemonade; the Region of Waterloo gave me fucked up train tracks and I made what looks like […]

See Dick Change

“Can I ask you a question?” A strange man asks in the men’s gym locker room. I hesitate, questioning the direction this dialogue will take. Why did he wait until I had taken off my clothes to approach me? And you can’t ask to ask a question because you just did whether I wanted you […]

See Dick Blend

  Believe it or not, there was a time where I wanted to hide in the shadows, to blend in with my surroundings so completely that anyone passing me by would notice me like they would notice this pretty bird beside these fat cats:   Unfortunately I failed at blending in. I failed so hard […]

See Dick Balance

  Have you ever caught yourself leaning in to lick a public door handle as a reckless attempt to induce a sickness that would offer you a legitimate excuse to stay home for a few days, curled up in a ball hiding from the world? Well, the holidays are over and most of it was […]

See Dick Dress

  “I can’t wear that,” a middle-aged woman says to me about the glasses I just suggested she try on. “I am too old to wear something that looks good.” “Oh, I’m sorry,” I apologize. “Let me go find you something that is a little bit more tawdry, something that will match the age spots […]

See Dick Doc

Health and wellness do funny things to people. We all have that friend or family member who takes every placebo medication under the sun and tries to force their homeopathic remedies on everyone. First of all, relax, it’s okay, you aren’t going to catch the homeo love by contact with these people. Ostracization is not […]

See Dick Teethe

Every time I go to the dentist they try and force me to get a mouth guard. Apparently, I’m a clencher. Quite often I find my dream-self running around fighting supernatural battles and escaping dangerous villains. I guess it’s only natural, when witnessing myself endure all that action and suspense, to clench my teeth in […]