See Dick Meditate
Photo credit:

Don’t you hate it when you’re so tired and your bed is practically screaming your name, but when you jump in your mind won’t shut the hell up? Your body says


but your mind says

let’s remember that annoying thing that happened earlier that led to that other annoying thing happening which was exactly like we predicted but nobody would listen so let’s convince ourselves again that this doesn’t matter and to help us forget about all that let’s repeat this other annoying thing over and over again.

Sometimes I think we have tiny DJs in our brains that start playing our day right before bed; they loop the most frustrating parts of our day to make a very catchy club anthem.
Parasitic Brain DJ. Photo credit:

The other night I was restless so Tales offered to lead me in a meditation story.

“Listen to my words and follow me on this relaxation journey,” he said. “Imagine that you aren’t lying down in a bed, but you’re lying down in warm sand. But it’s a special kind of sand that doesn’t stick to your body and get stuck in your crack. The sun is warm on your back, you hear the ocean washing up onto the shore and the sand is wrapping itself around you.”

“Am I in quicksand?”

“What? No.”

“It sounds like quicksand and I’m going to die.”

This is fine.

“Shut up and listen to my relaxation journey. There is one lone rock on the shore and the waves softly break against it. The sun is warm, but in this world you don’t have to worry about sunburns or sweating, you just feel the heat. You’re all by yourself and there is no one else around.”

“Where are you?”


“I’m lonely. You put me on a beach all by myself and now I’m sad.”

“Fine. I guess I can join you. If I have to. Look, I am laying beside you. So… here we are. Just us. On a beach. There you go. Are you relaxed now?”

“I think you missed your calling.”

“Shut up and go to sleep.”
I could go for a little bit of this right now. Photo credit:

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